


Play me a song I can cry to

by IntolerantBonita



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cute, Dan is playing "Ingenue" on piano, First Kiss, Happy Ending, Hot Chocolate, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil is crying, Piano, Sad, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 10:03:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12166713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntolerantBonita/pseuds/IntolerantBonita
Summary: Phil always liked the sound of a piano. Although his brother was the musical one, it always calmed him down and made him forget about all the problems. So, when sad Phil heard Dan playing in his room, he decided to join him.





	Play me a song I can cry to

**Author's Note:**

> Title credit goes to Jerry Lee Lewis.

Something happened when he heard the sound of the piano. To be more specific - something shattered inside him. At first, he was ok, but a second later his eyes burned and he couldn't catch his breath. The world became blurry and he felt tears running down his cheeks. He managed to see Dan almost running in his direction.

He was ashamed of himself and he hid his face in his hands. He felt a weight on a bed next to him and Dan's hand on his arm. Embarrassment got replaced with humiliation; Phil put his head between his knees, wishing he could disappear. Why the fuck did he even go to the other's room at the first place? He didn't want Dan to see him in that state and to make him worry. He kept praying in his head to the world to pause, but the world didn't want to listen. Soon Dan's questions mixed together and Phil couldn't recognise individual words. A reason of his cry wasn't a problem - the real struggle was how he would get out of here.

 

\--------------

 

Dan didn't have anything interesting to do that evening - after a long day in a city, Phil closed himself in his bedroom again. He had been odd for a couple of days now; he didn't talk as much as Dan got used to and it seemed like his happiness had evaporated. Every try of asking for a reason of his behaviour came to grief and Dan didn't know what else could he do. Instead of spending another night worrying about his best friend, Dan decided to relax a little bit and play the piano.

He made himself a hot chocolate and holed up in his bedroom, only with music and a hot drink. His room was in a half-light when his fingers started wandering on the keys, playing a song he knew well. Soon, he lost himself in the music and nothing could distract him - his sight and hearing were entirely focused on the instrument and he didn't even notice when Phil knocked on his door.

"Dan!" only the sound of his own name successfully burst into his thoughts. He looked in the sound's direction and saw Phil standing at the doorstep with the hand on his arm in a closed position.

"Can I just sit here and listen?" Phil cleared his throat and asked, moving his eyes from Dan to the floor.

Dan only nodded and vigilantly watched Phil walking to his bed. He didn't know how long Phil had been standing in the door - although he was a very polite person, normally he would walk in straight away and sit back in Dan's sheets. He would never keep waiting for a permission like he did now and if someone hadn't known him, they would have said Phil was almost shy.

If it wasn't enough, Dan could tell by the way Phil was moving that something still wasn't alright. Due to the huge smile on his face and a lightweight walking, it always looked like he was flying 5 centimetres above the ground... but now Phil was taking steps heavily and listlessly. He was stooped and he wasn't flying at all - the floor was almost sucking him in.

When Phil sat down, Dan's attention came back to the song he had been playing before. He was tilting his head in the rhythm and biting the insides of his cheeks, but he didn't lose concentration even for a second. He kept playing and playing and again, he was slowly going deeper into a sweet state of distraction, but something didn't feel right. Dan shut his eyes with a grimace on his face, trying to focus on the notes, music becoming faster and louder. He didn't know what was distracting him, but when he opened his eyes and listened carefully, he finally realised what it was.

He could hear Phil crying.

And it was the worst sound Dan had ever heard.

At first, he couldn't understand what was going on. He kept staring absently at one spot on the instrument, feeling as if someone had hit him in the head. It seemed like his fingers went numb; it was harder to move them over the keys. Daniel was playing much slower and finally, the music stopped. The whole situation was so surrealistic he actually believed that if he hadn't moved for long enough, he would have muted the sobbing sounds.

When he finally put himself together, he almost ran to his bed where Phil was sitting with his legs pulled up to his chest and face covered in hands.

"Phil..." Dan started when he sat down next to his friend, but he couldn't think of anything else. He not only wasn't the best in cheering others up in general, but also the view of crying Phil put him down. He couldn't remember if he had ever seen Phil in a situation like this before and for a second, Dan thought he was going to cry as well. He felt guilty - he perfectly knew the sadness Phil was experiencing and, although he wanted to make him feel better, he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

Phil was always _the happy one_  and Dan was  _the one complaining_  about everything. Phil was  _the ray of sunshine_  and Dan was like _a black rock_. Phil was Dan's and everyone else's inspiration - all the good things always happened because of Phil and when Phil couldn't cure the situation, Dan felt lost. Phil was always there for Dan whenever he needed a friend and it was rarely reversely. It was Phil who made Dan feel happy, it was always Phil. Phil Phil Phil. But when Phil needed Dan the most, Dan wanted to run away.

He felt pressure to make it up for all those years of support, but all he was doing was looking straight at his friend falling apart.

"Phil? Are you ok?" Dan asked, upbraiding himself in his head almost immediately.

Indeed, Phil looked far from ok. He wasn't used to crying and it was easy to notice; the mix of emotions he was experiencing in that moment didn't feel familiar at all. He didn't know how to react when Dan kept asking how he could help him, so he was only shaking his head, not wanting to speak out loud. All he wanted was to get control over his own body again.

Dan reached to his bed table and took out a box of tissues. He put them on a bed and moved closer to his friend, awkwardly hugging Phil. He was afraid Phil would reject the physical contact - despite a few times in the early years of their friendship when they almost crossed the friendship line, they hadn't been that close ever before. But Phil only snuggled into Dan's body, allowing him to wrap his arms tighter around himself.

"Shhh, everything is gonna be fine," Dan was whispering, running his fingers through the other's hair. The hug helped a little bit - it was good to feel someone's warmth. Phil calmed his breath a little bit and wasn't sobbing as loud as before.

Although Dan shouldn't have thought about things like this, he noticed how small Phil felt in his arms, how nice he smelled, how soft his hair was and how close they actually were. He put his chin on Phil's head but soon his lips came closer. Phil could feel Dan's breath in his hair when the boy placed a soft kiss on the top of his head. Dan's body tensed, wanting in anticipation for his friend's reaction, but after a minute when his lips and hands still were in Phil's hair and he didn't make a sudden move, Dan went one step further.

He didn't want to make use of Phil's disability - the things his body was telling him to do felt weird, but he could do everything to make Phil felt better. He kept stroking his hair and kissing Phil's head for a while when the other lift his head to look at Dan.

Dan didn't know for how long Phil was crying, but his face was wet with tears and his eyes were red, almost bloodshot, as if he hadn't slept for the last days. When their eyes met, Phil wanted to apologise for being such a mess, just to say something, but he didn't. Instead, he looked at Dan's lips and felt new energy running through his body. Not thinking much, he lifted his head even more and put their lips together. He didn't care if he just ruined their friendship or not, he felt miserable and Dan's presence made him feel better.

Dan felt as if his heart had stopped for a second when he understood what Phil wanted to do, but he followed and let Phil's pink lips meet his own. Yes, he was scared - Phil took him off guard and Dan didn't want him to think he only wanted to make use of his weakness. He hoped Phil knew it was genuine for both of them.

He closed his eyes and cupped Phil's face, brushing the tears from his cheeks. Phil's touched Dan with his trembling hand and they shyly locked their fingers, placing them on Phil's laps. There was a perfect silence in the entire house and even cars didn't make a sound, letting them know how significant the moment was.

Although Phil had known about it before, Dan finally showed how much he cared about him. The thought of being truly loved by the most important person in his life made him cry during the kiss again. He wasn't used to being comforted by others and he didn't know how good this feeling was; the tears of gratefulness sprang into his eyes without a permission.

"Oh God...," Phil murmured when he broke the sweet kiss. He was too busy fighting another wave of feelings that he didn't have a chance to feel the awkwardness after their kiss ended, but Dan felt it for two. He still didn't feel comfortable taking care of Phil, but - thank God, he remembered about a cup full of hot chocolate he had left on his desk.

He gave Phil a long look - even if the distance between his bed and desk weren't so big, he didn't want to leave Phil for those three seconds, but he finally stood up anyway. 

Phil wasn't only embarrassed - he was almost afraid to look at Dan when he sat on the bed again and put the mug in Phil's hands, forcing him to grip it. He felt guilty for acting so childish, his mind was telling him he shouldn't have broken down in front of Dan but do it in his bedroom as he'd been doing for the past days. But now it was over. 

He took a sip of a nearly cold drink and smiled into a cup, thinking how ridiculous the world was and there wasn't a point in worrying about it anymore. 

"You have to believe me, I didn't plan any of this," Phil giggled softly, his voice still hoarse from all the crying.

"But I read your mind anyway," Dan stated. 

"Is that so?"

"I always knew you like the idea of hot chocolate after a kissing session," the younger one finally showed a smile he didn't want to hide any longer. He knew it would have been awful if Phil had been still crying and Dan himself had been almost radiating happiness, but he felt the happiest he'd ever been.

They were sitting in silence, holding hands and feeling soft skin under their fingers. Phil had almost finished his drink and placed a mug on his laps; although it made him feel much better, he suddenly felt so tired and drained from all the emotions he got to discover in the last hour - from an overwhelming distress to uplifting happiness. 

"Dan, can you... play for me again?" Phil asked quietly, piercing Dan with his gaze. The other one only nodded in an answer and walked to the piano - he still didn't want to leave his friend alone, but if it was going to help, he would do it without a doubt.

"What do you want me to play?" he asked when he sat down and placed his fingers on the keys for the second time that evening.

"You can continue what you've played before," Phil answered simply. "It calms me down." 

Dan took a deep breath and started playing. The well-known melody of "Ingenue" filled their apartment when he kept playing the song on repeat over and over again.

After a while, he looked over his shoulder, not stopping the song. He saw Phil asleep in his bed - the man looked so peaceful and innocent and Dan couldn't help but stare.

Dan closed the flap as quietly as possible and smiled to himself - maybe their moment of weakness would be a beginning of something beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and your feedback! Have a nice day! xx


End file.
